Taking a Trip Down Memory Lane

I found these awesome pictures from a 1977 JCPenney catalog online and just had to post and share them. The origin of the story is that a guy found this catalog while doing some work for his parents in their attic.

For those of you that remember the days of the 3-inch-thick Sears, Best & JCPenney catalogs, this should be a special treat for you.

Here is the cover of the catalog these pictures came from:

The clothes are fantastic!

Here's how to get the crap beat out of you in elementary school:

Just look at that belt. It's like a boob-job for your pants. He probably needed help just to lift it into place. The belt loops have to be three inches long, for the love. And this kid's bellybutton must be below the belt buckle. Way to go Sargent High-Waste!

Here's how to get the crap beat out of you in high school:

This kid looks like he's pretending to be David Soul, who is pretending to be a cop who is pretending to be a pimp that everyone knows is really an undercover cop. Who is pretending to be 15.

Here's how to get the crap beat out of you on the golf course:

This "all purpose jumpsuit" is, according to the description, equally appropriate for playing golf or simply relaxing around the house. Personally, I can't see wearing this unless you happen to be relaxing around your cell in D-block. Even then, the only reason you should put this thing on is because the warden forced you to at gunpoint.

Here's how to get the crap beat out of you pretty much anywhere:

I'll bet these guys do ok with the ladies. If you look at that picture quickly, it looks like Mr. Bob "No-pants" Saget has his hand in the other guy's pocket. In this case, he doesn't, although you can tell just by looking at them that it's happened - or if it hasn't happened it will. Oh yes. It will. As soon as he puts down his color-coordinated coffee cup.

Here's how to get the crap beat out of you at the beach:

He looks like he's reaching for a gun, but you know it's probably just a bottle of suntan lotion in a holster. Isn't that The Fall Guy's sidekick?

Here's how to get the crap beat out of you in a meeting:

If you wear this suit and don't sell used cars for a living, I believe you can be fined and face serious repercussions, up to and including termination. Or imprisonment, in which case you'd be forced to wear that orange jumpsuit; which, frankly, is a step up.

Here's how to get the crap beat out of you everyday, up to and including, St. Patrick's Day:

Dear god in heaven, I don't believe that color exists in nature. There is NO excuse for wearing either of these ensembles unless you're working as a body guard for the head coach of Notre Dame.

In this next one, Your Search For VALUE Ends At Penneys.

As does your search for chest hair.

And this one... seriously, there are no words:

Oh wait, it turns out there are words after all, and those words are What. The. #%@$! I'm guessing the snap front gives you quick access to the chest hair. I think the little tie must be the pull tab. If you look really closely, it says, "In case of chest hair emergency, pull tab quickly and back away."

Also, judging by the sheer amount of matching his/hers outfits, in 1977 it was apparently considered pretty stylish for couples to dress alike. These couples look happy, don't they?

And nothing showcases your everlasting love more than the commitment of matching bathing suits. That, and an amused blonde with a look on her face that says, "Do you have any idea how ridiculous you look in that bathing suit?"

Then, after the lovin', you can relax in your one-piece matching terry cloth jumpsuits:

I could go on, but I'm tired, and my eyes hurt from this trip back in time. I think it's the colors. I will leave you with these tasteful little numbers:

Man, that's sexy!